


grand bleu

by orphan_account



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Bucket List, Cancer, Comfort/Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending, Light-Hearted, M/M, Slice of Life, ex dancer ten, implied winkun, johnny just rly loves ten, kun is tens bff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-28 22:58:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17191874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: in which ten is dying and johnny falls in love with the liveliness in the ten’s eyes.





	grand bleu

**Author's Note:**

> i love johnten with all my Heart and they are all ive been writing about lately lol.. enjoy!  
> ‘grand bleu’ by 100% inspired me to write this ^^ somewhat inspired by tfios, im only using hazel’s condition for ten. a lot of medical inaccuracies just to fit the flow of this fic be warned pleas -__^

 It’s not like Ten minded dying, really. He was okay with the thought of death, though he was unsure of what would come afterwards. He didn’t know whether to believe in Hell or Heaven, or reincarnation perhaps. But he knew he would end up in Hell if that whole shebang turned out to be true. Ten was never religious in the first place.

 

 But what Ten _did_ mind, was how he had to be hooked up to machines all the time. It truly, kind of, _pretty much_ fucking sucked. Like, how was he supposed to pick up hot guys when he had tubes going through his nose and he looked like he was about to pass out any moment. 

 

 Did the doctors expect Ten to just go on Tinder and put in his bio, ‘ _Wassup! My names Ten (yes, like the number, but i’m also for sure a 10 out of 10 haha [finger guns]) and I’m gonna die in 6 months so I’m not looking for anything serious! Wanna bang?_ ’ What would they say then? 

 

 “Are you thinking about getting Tinder and putting that atrocious bio up again?” The soft voice of Kun interrupted Ten’s train of thoughts. The younger just grinned up at his best friend, the only person left in his life that supported him through thick and thin. 

 

 “I think it’s charming. Do you think I’ll manage to snag myself a boyfriend before I go out? Can you imagine going to your boyfriend of 3 months funeral.. Wack.”

 

 Every one else in Ten’s life had walked out when they realized the baggage they’d have to carry of their friend or family dying soon. Except Kun, his best friend of years now, was the only one who stood by Ten’s side taking care of him. His soft eyes and kind words always managed to calm Ten down during the hardest times.

 

 But he was always, understandably, visibly upset whenever Ten had brought up the fact that he was going to die. Ten joked about it so lightly, because he wasn’t afraid of dying. Kun was afraid for him, because he didn’t want to lose his friend so early in his adult life. 

 

 “Ten..” Kun warned. Ten half-heartedly smiled up at his friend, the elder grimaced the younger’s expression. Ten looked so tired, his bags were deep and his eyes lost the little spark they held when he was more.. alive. 

 

 “Sorry Kun, I forgot..”

 

 “How did you forget the fact that I am really not looking forward to the day I’m not able hear your stupid jokes anymore?” Kun snapped, kicking the Thai’s bed frame in annoyance, “You’ve got to stop making these jokes Ten. Makes me sad as hell you asshole.”

 

 “Come on, everyone dies at some point. I didn’t even get to do anything cool in all my 22 years of living. I never even met the love of my life, man.” Ten sighed, grabbing the plain white pillow behind him and promptly shoving his face into it. It smelled of hospital and Ten truly despised it. He could almost imagine smothering himself to death with said pillow at this point until Kun reached over to snatch it from his nimble hands.

 

 “Ten! I know you’re trying to kill yourself with the pillow already before you’re due but this is not how you should live the rest of your life! You should be living it to the fullest before you get weaker, do some things you’ve always you wanted to do but couldn’t.” 

 

  _Ah this talk again_. Ten and Kun sometimes had this conversation, where Kun would worry over Ten not taking his death as seriously as he should. How Ten has been spending his final years since he’d been diagnosed in bed wallowing in his little care for life instead of being _free_ for once. To pretend he wasn’t going to die and have fun before it all ends.

 

 

_‘Kun, I’ve been diagnosed with cancer. I’ve got till like 23.’ A 19 year old Ten burst into his shared apartment, startling the Chinese boy whom was busy cutting up carrots to start dinner. His eyes were as wide as saucers at Ten’s words,_

_‘Ten you know how I feel about these types of jokes..’_

_Ten slammed the door behind him, stomping up to Kun and shoving the papers in his face that stated he indeed, had been suffering from thyroid cancer with metastasis slowly forming in his lungs. He only had 4 years left unless miraculously he would succeed in fighting the disease and continue to live life normally._

 

 Ten ended up having to quit his dreams of becoming a professional dancer. It was too hard for him to breathe by even taking a few steps of the complicated choreography he had prepared to get into a dance academy he’d dreamed of attending since he was a small child. He’d worked so hard on it, perfecting it and dancing ‘till his feet fell off so he was so sure he would get in easily. Even if his parents had disowned him for choosing this path, not believing in Ten. 

 

 It hurt for Ten to admit that they were right in not believing him as he laid in bed for months slowly dying and losing contact with reality at times. He was still the same Ten he was before, just a bit more morbid and passion has been lost.

 

 All Ten ever wanted to do was dance. The art had caught his attention when he witnessed a ballet performance for the first time, though it was not the type of dance he preferred, he admired it. The synchronization, the effort, the beautiful movements of the legs and waist as they pranced along. Ten wanted to be up there on the big stage one day, showing off his skills and doing what he loved. 

 

Then his diagnosis happened. 

 

 He sometimes couldn’t wait to die these days, as he had no purpose to live anymore. He could joke about it all he wanted to, he would never be able to dance like he could before. His moping had gotten too much for his friends and they all ended up leaving him. He was sure Kun was only still here because it was his obligation to as a friend of almost 10 years. 

 

 Yet there was no point, no matter how much his friend tried to make him look at the positive side.

 

 “Like.. A bucketlist? What is this? A shitty coming of age movie? You’re better than this Kun.” Ten snorted, snatching the pillow back from Kun to place it behind his head again. He laid back down to stare at the blank white ceilings he had despised getting used to. 

 

 He was lucky his grandparents weren’t heartless enough to leave Ten to die and paid for his hospital bills. His parents probably didn’t even know he was going to die. 

 

 “I’m being serious.. I only want the best for you.”

 

 Ten felt bad at times for making his friend feel hopeless about Ten’s state. He knew it was mentally draining to be with Ten sometimes, as Ten was either cracking morbid jokes or was completely emotionless when he was having self doubts. Sometimes Kun would fight with his own boyfriend, stating he cared too much about Ten and that he never had time for him anymore. 

 

 Sicheng was nice to Ten and was considerate of his condition but he required some attention and was easily jealous when most of Kun’s time was at the hospital when he wasn’t working. Kun would storm off from those arguments only to come to the hospital to deal with Ten’s depressing ass. 

 

 Ten didn’t want to end off his only friendship hanging on a thread on a sour note, so he opted to laugh at his friend and pretended to be thinking of the option Kun gave him. 

 

 “I could at at least consider the possibility that perhaps I can meet the love of my life in the span of what I have left.” Ten hummed, laying on his side to face Kun with a gentle smile, though it hurt, “But I kinda feel bad for the sucker if I ever end up meeting him. He’ll have a hard time finding someone else like me afterwards.”

 

 “Of course.” Kun returned the gentle smile, except his would always be genuine. Ten’s heart hurt. He’d have to make these 6 months last, for Kun and at _least_ for himself.

 

 “Don’t you have a boyfriend to get to? You don’t have to be here all the time you know,” Ten accused, reaching over to flick Kun’s forehead. The elder glared down at him, smacking his hand away rather gently.

 

 “Sicheng won’t mind-“

 

 “I know Sicheng’s been mad about you coming here so often for the past year. I don’t wanna be the cause of your break up, dude. You don’t have to be here all the time.”

 

 “I know, I know,” Kun sat up in his chair, sighing into his hands, “He’s been annoyed with me lately.. I haven’t taken him out to a date in months.”

 

 “Take him to our favorite restaurant for a change! He’ll for sure like it.” The younger assured, sitting up in his bed excitedly, “He’ll love the Zhong’s dumplings. Take him there tonight, alright?”

 

 Kun was surprised to say in the least, to see his friend care so much about his relationships. But it’s not like Ten had any relationship to worry about except his friendship with Kun, and the other boy needed an extra push. He’s been at his side since he was admitted to the hospital 2 years back, he found Sicheng only last year and _still_ his attention was focused on Ten.

 

 Ten took it upon his own hands to help his friend, he wanted his friend to have someone to take to their favorite restaurant when he couldn’t in time to come, he wanted his friend to have someone to lean on when he leaves, someone to take care of him. He knew Sicheng was the one for his friend, since he hadn’t even broken up with Kun yet for his behavior. His friend’s just too blinded by caring for his friend to pay attention. 

 

 “Are you sure Ten? That’s our thing..”

 

 “I’m positive, I just want you to be happy, Kun. Don’t wait up on me.”

 

 And he meant it.

 

  

 

 

 

 

 What Ten considered goals on his bucket list seemed impossible to someone of his weak frame. The other patients in his ward eyed him warily as he strode down the halls with his faux confidence, waving a list around in his painted black nails. Though some black was sloppily painted onto the cuticles of his nails as his balance was shaky, he managed to complete task 1 of 6 on his list.

 

  _ ~~ **Paint my nails**~~_. Crossed off. Ten had never been able to paint them before because of his peer’s judging eyes, so he decided with a task that he could get done quick and easy. He felt pretty okay without his bare nails.

 

 “Wha– Ten? What are you doing out of your room?” A young nurse named Mark panicked, approaching Ten who just waved him off. Mark was a sweet kid, Ten had learned in the few months the nurse had been training. He was one of the nurses in charge of giving Ten his meals and had just so happened to catch Ten while serving his other patients.

 

 “I’m finally using my outside time Nurse Lee! You can’t stop me now!” Ten whooped, proceeding to keel over and cough his lungs out afterwards. The nurse sighed, shaking his head as he rubbed Ten’s shaking back, “Okay maybe I _can_ be stopped but I’ll be more careful.” 

 

 “Ah.. Ten, you know you’re getting a little weaker these days. It’s a bit dangerous for you to go running around like that. Do you need a nurse to accompany you?”

 

 “Nonsense. I’m fine, I can call you or Kun if anything goes wrong. I’m going to do all the shit I can before I die.” Ten was determined. The nurse cocked his eyebrow up at the man, not believing his eyes that this was the same guy who would brood in his room and not touch his food for days. Mark decided that perhaps he can let Ten go just this once. He looked over Ten to make sure his nasal cannulas was adjusted correctly, that his oxygen tank he had to carry around to breathe properly was tightened. 

 

 “Alright..” He hesitated, “But make sure not to get your breathing in check, your lungs are weak. Do you have your inhaler on you in case something goes wrong with your tank?”

 

 Ten briefly flashed his inhaler before scampering off after Mark had placed another wristband on him indicating he was a patient from their hospital. He was off to start his next task. It was as simple as the first one was. _**Go sightseeing**_.

 

 

 

 Now Ten wasn’t one to toot his own horn but he knew he was very much not too bad looking before he started going through chemotherapy and looking like shit all the time, along with losing some of his hair. When he had left the hospital wearing a wristband indicating he was a patient on leave, he made sure to put on his grey woolen beanie and leave some of his hair sticking out from under. 

 

 He only had a few patches of hair fallen from his hair from over the years, as apparently, his scalp was tough and refused to let Ten’s luscious raven locks go to waste. Kun had assured him he looked fine, that his insecurities about his falling hair was a minuscule thing and he wasn’t looking at the big picture.

 

 Ten, however, thought otherwise as always. He could feel a pair of eyes burning into the back of his head while he snapped a picture of the tiny cat café on the side that looked aesthetically pleasing. His insecurities were overwhelming to say in the least when he turned around to face the eyes staring him down. He didn’t like thinking about the fact that maybe his beanie had a hole in it and his bald spots were showing.

 

 A handsome man was looking back at him. His chestnut hair was parted, he had sharp almond eyes and pink heart-shaped lips that Ten kind of wanted to kiss on sight. His heart couldn’t help but stop when he caught the man in a heated gaze. 

 

 But Ten was _not_ going to let this man get away with mad-dogging the back of his beanie, handsomely making his heart stop or not. He was about to snap at him to leave him the fuck alone but instead, the man’s gaze softened when he realized Ten was looking back at him. He blinked twice before his eyes wandered off to look at the moving street beside them instead. 

 

  _Weird_. Ten thought to himself as he swung his legs in the seat he sat inside the open van holding a few other people taking pictures of the tour attractions of Seoul. He chose the seat farthest to the back, second to last row. The man staring him down sat across behind him. Ten, being Ten, wanted some answers as to why the man was looking at him but he decided to coo at a stray dog barking at the van instead. 

 

  _ ** ~~Go sightseeing~~**_.

 

 

 

 

 

 Ten hadn’t expected to see the man from the tour again on the way to grab himself a cappuccino from Starbucks. Mark had let him go out again, much to Kun’s protesting that he shouldn’t be left alone outside. Ten shook him off again, saying he wasn’t a baby and he needed some time alone sometimes. Kun was reluctant but allowed him to go on the condition of calling him to pick him up afterwards.

 

 Here Ten was, innocently paying for his overly expensive cappuccino that he’s been craving for the past few months (Kun didn’t allow him to drink any since it was too sugary) and the same man from the tour was still staring at him. Except it was him across the register handing Ten his drink.

 

 “Oh. You’re still wearing your tubes..” He muttered, his eyes tracing the cannulas against Ten’s cheeks. Ten furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, letting go of his tank trailing behind him and crossed his arms,

 

 “Well duh. Did you think I was doing a Hazel Grace cosplay or something while going sightseeing?”

 

 The man looked down at the man’s name tag only to read the name ‘Johnny’. Ten hummed at this, “I should complain to your manager that you’re comparing cancer patients to a fictional character. Shame on you.” 

 

 “I _am_ the manager.” Johnny shifted uncomfortably, he seemed nervous in Ten’s presence, “Sorry.. I didn’t mean to offend you.

 

 “I’ll give you a pass because you’re cute. Just give me my cappuccino, _Johnny_.” Ten cackled, snatching the outstretched drink across from him. Johnny’s eyes widened and Ten swore he could see the man’s ears going red, “How much?”

 

 “How much what?” Johnny asked dumbly, seemingly out of it. Ten raised an eyebrow at his response. _Was he about to get a free drink?_

 

 “For the drink..?” He asked slowly, pointing to the cappuccino. He wasn’t _that_ bad of a person, he could have just slipped away with the free drink without saying anything. Ten considered doing it for a quick second, but he didn’t have the energy to run away. And the guy was cute, he wasn’t lying, he can’t just ruin a good, potential hookup like this.

 

 “Oh. The drink. Yeah, _yeah_. Uh, you don’t have to pay for it. On the house.”

 

 Ten’s lips curled into a grin. It wouldn’t hurt to play around a little. The last time he had flirted with someone was _years_ ago, the only form of intimacy he developed with someone over the years was with Kun when he was drunk and trying to kiss him on the cheek. Hell, even before he felt like shit all the time he didn’t even want to date, just a few hookups here and there.

 

 “Do you give free drinks to everyone that calls you cute or are you pitying me?” 

 

 That sure ruffled Johnny’s feathers because he bristled defensively, his ears were clearly red now and Ten couldn’t help but snort, “You know what, thanks. I’ll see you around Johnny, thanks again for the free cappuccino.”

 

 

 

 

 

 Number 3, since he wanted to have an exhilarating experience at least once in his life, he needed someone to help him with it. And he knew Kun wouldn’t. So it was up to him to either pay someone to help him or try and do this himself while trying not to die.

 

 Ten saw Johnny again while he was pondering in the same Starbucks, chewing on his blueberry muffin in thought, tapping his pencil against the table. The man had noticed him again, his eyes forever holding the piercing gaze on Ten’s face. He walked over to hand Ten his drink personally, curiosity getting the best of him. 

 

 “Hey..”

 

 “Oh. Hey it’s you again.” Ten grinned, taking the vanilla bean coffee from his hand and promptly placing it beside him, his hand on his chin as he looked up at Johnny teasingly, “Are you here to ask why I’m wearing my beanie still? Cause it’s been a little cold lately. Don’t you think?”

 

 “You’re soliciting. What’s that paper you’re writing on anyways?”

 

 “Are not. I just got my drink you nosy little man. But if you insist, these are my death wishes, since you know, I’m practically Hazel Grace Kin.” Ten wanted to cackle at the sight of Johnny’s face when he looked up, expecting him to be horrified at Ten’s excuse of a joke and run away. But Johnny just nodded, clearly attentive to what Ten was saying and not a hint of disgust in his eyes. He just had a tiny smile on his face,

 

 “Hazel Grace Kin? Dunno what that means but it sounds funny. You’re funny. You wanna let me in on your list?”

 

 Ten straightened his back at the sudden interest, his irises sparkling in amusement at Johnny’s forwardness. He was definitely someone Ten would have befriended if he wasn’t so keen on being antisocial for the next 6 months. But he wanted to give Johnny a chance, maybe he’d realize Ten was just some annoying, morbid guy that was going to die anyways and he wasn’t worth the friendship. So he gave him the benefit of the doubt and asked for his help on his next task.

 

 “Actually, yeah. I’ll need someone’s help on some of them anyways and you seem like the perfect candidate.” 

 

 “Are you going to murder me at some point? Not yet though, finish your vanilla bean first.”

 

 “Please,” Ten snorted, already liking the way Johnny easily played along with Ten’s flow, “I could hardly pick up my own hands to write this stupid list.”

 

 “Well then what’s next on the agenda?”

 

 

 

Fine, the next bullet point on Ten’s list wasn’t the most exhilarating but could get him in trouble if he wasn’t careful. Johnny didn’t give him any weird looks when he had told him what the next thing to do was, he just smiled and nodded, stating he’d help Ten.

 

  _ **Trespass and go star gazing**_.

 

 Since Ten wasn’t able to drive, nor be able to run away in time if a park ranger would come and catch him sneaking through the fences, he had to get someone to help. Though it was a tame task, he knew Kun wouldn’t help him trespass and Nurse Lee would be too busy at the hospital to take him. He wasn’t sure if the younger was keen on trespassing either but he was glad he’d met Johnny. 

 

 Whom was more than happy to comply as he came to Ten’s hospital room with bags of granola bars and Caprisuns. 

 

 “You know this isn’t a camping trip right?”

 

 “We can’t go on an empty stomach.”

 

 And he was right, honestly, Ten was going to die of starvation on the way to their destination if it wasn’t for Johnny’s chocolate chip granola bars being handed to him as he whined. It was a 2 hour trip to the hiking grounds. Ten and Kun used to go there when Ten was _able_ , they’d do exactly what Johnny and Ten were doing, sneak through the gates when the park rangers weren’t looking and watch the stars on nights like these _._

 

 They managed to do the first part with ease, though faster than Ten could ever with Kun because Johnny was taller and he could easily climb the gate and catch Ten, who was almost out of breath as he climbed, holding his heavy tank close to him. 

 

 Johnny offered to carry his oxygen tank for him but Ten denied his help in a hushed tone, saying he was fine before promptly almost tripping over his feet. Johnny snickered and helped Ten carry his tank. When Ten had gotten too tired to keep walking to the destined area he’d always go to, Johnny had swooped in and carried the boy on his back, despite Ten’s protests that he was fine and that he was too heavy.

 

 Johnny winced as Ten climbed on his back, dragging his tank behind Johnny as he walked. He felt like he was carrying almost nothing, the only thing weighing him down was the _tank_. 

 

 Ten had directed him where to walk, pointing in different directions as the leaves crunched under them. Idle talk about what each other’s favorite colors were, favorite candy and Netflix shows were whispered as they walked, along with the occasional direction from Ten. It was a comfortable conversation, it wasn’t awkward, it felt like they’ve known each other forever rather than a whole day. 

 

They reached the perfect area. Ten cheered quietly when Johnny put him down. There was a whole clear view of the sky, trees hovering around them instead of blocking out the starry night. Ten adored stargazing, he’d missed it for so long and he was grateful for Johnny coming in to help him.

 

 He pulled Johnny down alongside him on the long, overgrown grassy area. Ten took a deep breath, basking in the nature around him, listening to the chirping of the crickets around them and closed his eyes. It really _had_ been awhile. Johnny was already looking at the wondrous sight above him as Ten took everything in. He felt nostalgic with a partner beside him, watching the stars and feeling the nature around them. It was a comfortable silence, the sounds of crickets and trees rustling due to the wind was all that was heard. 

 

 “You know, I was a dancer before all this.” Ten said, breaking the silence as he gazed up at the starry sky, a forlorn expression across his face. Johnny couldn’t help but tear his eyes away from the night sky, instead to look at Ten along with the faint outline of his oxygen tank beside him, “I can’t dance anymore. Because I can barley breath as it is. It sucks.”

 

 “You have the legs for it. I’m sure you were an amazing dancer.” Johnny hummed finally, observing Ten’s full eyes going from sad to the familiar glint in his orbs. They folded into crescents when he smiled, his pearly whites showing off, looking absolutely breath-taking as the starry sky reflected off his irises. Johnny had never seen anyone so beautiful. 

 

 “You’ve been checking out my legs?” Ten laughed, Johnny felt his knees turn to jelly just looking at the boy beside him. He was quiet until Ten spoke again, this time a little more seriously, “The sight is beautiful isn’t it? I haven’t seen anything like it in awhile..”

 

 And of course Johnny had to learn from the numerous amounts of romantic movies he’d watch in his free time, his eyes did not leave Ten’s face for one second when he replied, his voice low,

 

 “Yeah.” He bit his bottom lip, his eyes raking every inch of Ten’s face as he spoke, “It’s definitely the most beautiful sight I’ve seen in awhile.” 

 

Ten closed his eyes again, as if capturing whatever stars he had glossed over and held them inside his irises forever. Johnny wanted to catch even more glimpses of his lively eyes. He decided, he couldn’t let Ten go already. He would not let him go out without feeling the love he deserved. 

 

_**~~Trespass and go star gazing~~**_.

 

 He kept his determination. Their friendship grew overtime, Johnny always being the one to call him up, asking if he ever wanted to do anything at whatever time— he’d do what he could to be with Ten. Ten hadn’t brought up his list in awhile, he didn’t even know what the tasks were, only knowing about the one he had completed with him in the beginning, yet he knew they were just tame requests. Ten didn’t seem like the type of person to want to stick up a store for fun and get away with it because he was sick. 

 

 Ten slowly felt himself giving into his blooming friendship with Johnny, three months of being friends made him feel like he was himself again. Johnny felt like home. With his warm personality, his encouraging words he’d always give to Ten before the man had to go through more treatment that felt like hell. Or whenever he didn’t want to leave Johnny to go back to the hospital, Johnny sometimes went back with him when he could. Ten always felt like he was coming home whenever he had met up with the elder man, then going back to the hospital with Johnny on his mind whenever he couldn’t go back with him, keeping a piece of home with him. 

 

 He wanted to share all the experiences on his bucket list with Johnny, he wanted to complete every single bullet point with the kind man. He’d even grew to develop a sort of crush on him too. Though he doubted Johnny would return his feeling sometimes, he didn’t doubt it when Johnny’s soft eyes said he cared for him. 

 

 Johnny hadn’t left like Ten expected, he actually enjoyed Ten’s depleting morbid jokes and helped the boy come out of his shell again.

 

 

 

 Ten could have just called Kun to accompany him. They could have been sitting there, eating dumplings and laughing, conversing about dumb things like old times. Instead, he found himself marking Johnny’s number in his hospital bed at the dead of night to take him to his and Kun’s favorite restaurant.

 

 “Hey Johnny boy.” Ten cheered when the elder had picked up the phone after a few rings. He hadn’t waited long, he was swinging his legs back and forth on his bed with his jacket and a red beanie hugging his patchy hair. 

 

 “Ten? Shouldn’t you be asleep right now? You need your energy-“

 

 “Which is why you’re taking me out to eat dumplings for energy, mister. Don’t worry, I slept all day today and I can’t go back to sleep.”

 

 He heard Johnny sigh fondly on the other side. Ten could tell the man was probably smiling at Ten’s spontaneous actions, eating dumplings at 11pm at night when he’s supposed to be sleeping after taking his shots. He actually hadn’t slept all day, he was dreading the medicine being injected into him since he’s been getting weaker and only a few hours ago had they done it. He was supposed to be asleep. But Johnny didn’t need to know that. Ten felt fine.

 

 “Fine, I’ll pick you up at the hospital. Don’t wait for me at the reception area like last time, it’s cold down there and you can’t be standing so much.”

 

 “Oh boo hoo fine. Make sure to wear that oversized flannel I like to see you in. You look adorable in it.”

 

 He knew Johnny rolled his eyes at that this time, but with his ears burning red at the tips. 

 

 Ten reached to the nightstand beside him, grabbing his list and promptly crossing out number 4. 

 

  ** ~~ _Go eat one last time at Zhong’s Chinese Takeout with Johnny_~~**

 

 He had erased Kun’s name earlier and replaced it with Johnny, as he had something else planned for he and his best friend. Ten wanted to take Johnny out to his sacred area for a change. He knew Johnny would be ecstatic to find out that he had helped him complete another task on his list.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Who would have expected Ten to have a mental breakdown over his hair loss out of nowhere on a Sunday morning after Mark had given him his injections that hurt for hours. He wasn’t allowed to wear his beanies those days, he hated not being able to wear it. Ten felt incredibly insecure about his withering hair and it always reminded him that he in fact had cancer, and that he won’t ever be living his past life again.

 

 He hated Sundays. Johnny nor Kun were allowed to visit because visiting hours were closed on Sunday, patients weren’t allowed to go out and Ten had to wallow in his depressing state all day. Mark had felt bad, accompanying Ten to the cafeteria to eat since he was weak from the shots earlier. Ten hated depending on people. 

 

 Just as much as he hated walking around with uneven coldness hitting his scalp, unconsciously running his hands through his thinned hair and pulling back in reluctance when he felt the empty spots. He was itching to wear his beanie, he couldn’t handle Sundays. Even if Mark did try to make him feel better by giving him extra dessert. 

 

 He didn’t expect his breakdown to last another day when Johnny walked in on him finally receiving his beanie back, in the midst of placing it on his head again. Hiding his insecurities.

 

 Johnny felt his heart hurt at the sight of Ten’s bewildered expression, his eyes wide and mouth gaping. He was on the verge of crying, he didn’t want Johnny to see his patchy hair, his receding hairline alongside his paled face. Johnny gently closed the door behind him and held Ten against his chest,

 

 “It’s okay Ten, _you’re_ okay.” He soothed the shaking boy beneath him, knowing how embarrassed he was of his condition at times when he forgot Johnny knew and had made him feel like he was just a normal guy again.

 

 He knew he wasn’t ever going back to that life. Although Johnny’s presence always reminded him of that life, it made him feel refreshed and free whenever he was with him. Yet now he felt ugly, clutching his woolen beanie in his hands, trying to accept Johnny’s calming words. 

 

 Ten wasn’t complaining when Johnny had let him cuddle him in bed for the rest of the afternoon until he was asked to leave by Nurse Lee since visiting hours were over. Nurse Lee made sure to let Johnny stay a little over visiting hours, though, since he noticed Ten brightened up a little at Johnny’s presence. 

 

 

 

 

 Ten was expected to die by next week. 6 months had passed by quickly and it had been 6 months since he met Johnny and began having a blooming friendship with him. He was so close to finishing his bucket list, but he knew number 5 would be impossible. Yet he had a hunch about already being done with number 6. 

 

  _ **Dance one last time.**_

 

 Ten didn’t know if he could go through with it. His legs shake just by speed walking as it is, he didn’t know if he could even remember any choreographies to dance that wouldn’t make him break his legs and cause him to choke on air. And he still had his oxygen tank to carry around, it’d fall over in a quick second and cause Ten’s lungs to collapse before he even did one twirl. 

 

 He was about to scrawl out the task, and deeming it impossible for him to do without dying first until a hand stopped him. He looked up and saw Kun with a tight frown on his face.

 

 “Ten..”

 

 “I can’t do it.” Ten sniffed, snatching his hand away from Kun’s hold and wiping his eyes before he started crying like a baby, “And you know it. Dancing is all I ever knew before, what I _breathed_ but now? I can’t, Kun. I’ll literally die if I do any of the choreographies I did before. It’s not worth it.”

 

 “Who said you needed to do any of those crazy choreos you did before, Ten?” Kun said softly, taking ahold of Ten’s hands again. It was silent for a few minutes, just the sounds of machines and the slow beeping of Ten’s heart monitor being heard. Kun decided to speak again, tightening his hold on Ten’s hands, “Dancing is dancing, is it not? You don’t have to dance the way you used to.” 

 

 And maybe Kun was right. When Kun had left, assuring Ten he would be okay even if he didn’t dance for the last time, Johnny had come in to visit right after. Ten had put his list away, deep inside the nightstand, thinking he didn’t need to finish it anymore as he just wanted to spend time with Kun and Johnny before anything.

 

 Until Johnny noticed the tense air around Ten when he brought up his friend’s dance recital coming up soon.  

 

 “Tenny? What’s up? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

 

 “I will be if I go through with one of the final death wishes.”

 

 Johnny frowned at this, scooting closer to the younger and placing a hand under his chin observantly, squinting up at Ten to ease him, 

 

 “What is it? Tell me, I’ll do anything to help.” 

 

 Ten couldn’t help but smile, sadly shaking his head,

 

 “It’s dancing. But I can’t..”

 

 “What do you mean you can’t? Stand up!” Johnny gasped, scrambling off of Ten’s bed awkwardly due to of his tall frame, standing beside his bed with a hand outstretched towards him.

 

 Ten furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, shaking his head and pushing Johnny’s hand away. What was he thinking? Ten couldn’t dance, his lungs would collapse and he’d die of embarrassment before _that_ even happened. Johnny seemed to have other plans though as he grabbed Ten’s hand anyways, holding his tank with the other to pull Ten out of bed.

 

 Ten looked at Johnny unsurely, the elder just encouragingly grinning in response,

 

 “Johnny what are you doing..”

 

 “Dancing. You know it isn’t just sliding your legs all over the place and doing complicated moves, we can dance in place you know?” 

 

 Ten could feel his cheeks heat up, obviously embarrassed at the fact that he hadn’t thought about that. Dancing was dancing, anything near what he had before is all Ten wanted. So he let Johnny play some slow song in English on his phone, turning the volume up all the way. 

 

 Johnny’s hands came up behind his waist, holding him closer than he’d ever done before, their chests flush against each other and Johnny grinning down at him. Ten couldn’t help but grin back whilst their feet moved to the music slowly, though Ten could feel the weight of his tank behind him as they danced, Johnny made sure to hold it so it wouldn’t knock over. 

 

 They danced in place, Ten’s head resting against Johnny’s shoulder, a pleased sigh escaping his lips when Johnny ruffled his hair as they moved. It felt nice, perfect almost. It had been awhile since Ten had danced with a partner, Kun had two left feet so it probably wouldn’t count as dancing with him as his partner whenever Ten felt like his legs were in need of moving around.

 

 Johnny wasn’t the best, he wasn’t a dancer, Ten understood. But to him, Johnny was amazing for even suggesting the idea of slow dancing in the middle of his room and choosing to dance with him despite the fact that he could barely dance without almost stepping on Ten’s toes.

 

 The older man gently tugged at Ten’s arm, raising it up and assuring Ten it was okay, that he could twirl a little and Johnny would be there to catch him if he fell or tripped over his own tank. Ten couldn’t help but giggle when Johnny twirled him around then dipped him backwards.

 

 The music seemed quieter, the mood was not dampened but it felt just right. 

 

 They gazed at each other for what seemed like forever when in reality it was only a mere minute as the softness of the music was all that was heard. Johnny gently dropped Ten’s arm from the air, still clasping onto his hand. Neither had pulled away from their positions for awhile, not wanting to ruin the moment. Johnny knew he had to do _something_ , he couldn’t let this precious scene go to waste. 

 

 He knew, all that he wanted was right in front of him. Covered in a black beanie and a hospital gown that reached below his knees, starry eyes flitting between his own and to his lips. 

 

 Johnny closed the distance between them, bending down to reach Ten’s height and allowing the younger to wrap his arms around his neck to pull him down. His lips fit perfectly against Johnny’s, though his were a bit chapped Johnny didn’t mind. 

 

 The kiss lasted for a few minutes until Nurse Lee had come in telling Ten he had to fill up his tank again and promptly squeaked when he saw the pair kissing, quickly walking out the door mumbling that he would wait until they were done. 

 

 They pulled away, laughing with their foreheads against each other, living in the moment without a care in the world. 

 

  ** _ ~~Dance one last time~~._**

 

 

 For the first time, since Ten had been diagnosed with cancer that had been developing since he was only 19, he was afraid of dying. 

 

 Because he fell in love. 

 

 With none other than the giant teddy bear of a man sleeping next to him, his breathing steady and serene unlike Ten’s ragged and choppy one. Ten was afraid of leaving Johnny behind. It was a new and scary feeling, he wasn’t even scared of leaving Kun behind before. He expected to just move on peacefully yet a bit sadly, knowing only his best friend and grandparents would be hurt and he’d leave everything to him. But now he couldn’t bear the thought of leaving Johnny, because he’s all Ten ever thought about these nights.

 

 His head was infested with _Johnny_ _Johnny_ _Johnny_. It was as clear as day that Johnny, too, loved Ten. Ten was just too stupid to realize it, blinded by his own feelings and internal dilemmas. Johnny loved Ten. Ten loved Johnny. Ten had found the love of his life when his life was about to end at any moment.

 

 The man took a shaky breath before leaning over to his nightstand and reaching over to grab a crumpled up piece of paper along with a chewed up pencil. His eyes flitted from the paper being illuminated from the moonlight to the man beside him. Though he was scared shitless about the future and what would happen when Johnny realized Ten wasn’t going to be around any longer, he was so sure of himself, as he crossed off number 6 off the crumpled list. 

 

  ** ~~Find the love of my life~~**. 

 

 

 

 

 

 Ten loved Johnny for many reasons. Mainly his understanding and kind nature. You don’t really come across people like him anymore these days, willing to be with someone like Ten with such a compassionate mentality. It made Ten happy, how he had managed to actually find someone who fit him completely.

 

 Johnny was sweet, he’d prove it just by being the gentleman he is and taking Ten out of the hellhole called the hospital to take him out to eat, to take him to places he’s never been before like the duck pond in a nearby park. He’d brought cut up grapes to feed to the ducks since he searched up and found out ducks couldn’t actually eat bread. Ten had called him cute and the man sputtered in response. Sometimes, whenever he had time after work, he’d visit Ten at the hospital

 

 Ten would fondly gaze at the man more often than he noticed, his large figure hunched over petting some dog that passed by them or a stray cat running along the sidewalks. He’d carefully hold Ten’s back as he hunched over next to him as well to play around with the animals they’d meet along the way to their dates Johnny had planned. 

 

 He loved the way Johnny would tower over him, his frame being small against Johnny’s chest albeit comfortable. He liked being the little spoon and would always give in whenever Johnny wanted to be the little spoon, he was like a big dog that thought he was a smaller dog at times and it hurt Ten’s stomach every time he called out Johnny for it. 

 

 When Johnny met Kun he did not look at him with an ounce of pity when he announced himself as Ten’s boyfriend during the time he and Kun were visiting in the same hour. Kun could already feel the warmness radiating from Johnny whilst he watched his best friend interact so closely with Johnny, Johnny cracking even worse jokes than Ten would and Ten laughing along like he was the funniest person in the world. 

 

 Kun noticed his friend had indefinitely fallen in love when he actually let Johnny win their stupid banter about who made the worst jokes. Ten, in all honesty, never liked letting people win petty arguments like he’d let Johnny so it came to a surprise to Kun when he gave up so easily with a little adoring glimmer in his eye. The man felt like his heart was going to burst, looking at how Johnny gazed at Ten like he was his everything as Ten was going on a rant to Kun about how his arms hurt from dragging his oxygen tank around more often. He would be lying if he said he didn’t expect Johnny to offer his help right after Ten had finished ranting. 

 

 It dawned on Kun that Johnny saw Ten more than what he was on the outside, that he was more than just his diagnosis and a poor soul nearing death. He noticed that Johnny, did not care about how much time he had left with the weakening boy he was caressing beside him. He instead cherished the time he spends with him, living in the moment rather than the future. 

 

 Kun was sure Ten had found the love of his life — _soulmate_ — before his time was up. 

 

Yet he knew Ten wished he had more time. 

 

 

 

 “Johnny.” Ten muttered, looking over at the man besides him, feeling Johnny’s long fingers twitching to show he was awake. Johnny was sleeping in Ten’s hospital bed again to keep him company when Ten had called him complaining about how he was lonely and afraid. Afraid he’d leave without saying goodbye to Johnny. The brunette hummed, 

 

 “Yes Ten?”

 

 Ten’s breath hitched. He didn’t know if what he was about to ask Johnny would ruin everything, but he had asked Kun in private beforehand, pondering if asking Johnny these questions would ruin anything, if Ten would fuck up and he’d just have to die alone in his hospital bed. He knew he didn’t have a lot of time left, he had held every moment he spent with Johnny close to him. He could hardly stand up now and he lost _all_ his hair now. 

 

 “Why.” He breathed, Johnny’s head snapped up to look at him, “Why did you choose me? Of all people?”

 

 “What do you mean?”

 

 “You know what I mean Johnny.” Ten groaned in annoyance, almost reaching up to grab at his hair out of habit but instead pulling at his hospital gown, “I don’t understand why you fell for me, of all people. I-I’m _dying_ , Johnny. I don’t have that much time left and you’re choosing to love me at my final moments despite meeting me in the middle of my treatments. All of my friends left me besides Kun because I was a burden. You’re too good to be true, Johnny, it just baffles me you’re _still_ here.”

 

 Johnny had sat up by now, his expression sour and he was clearly upset as he was not looking at Ten at all. He seemed angry, actually, but not at Ten.

 

 “Your friends left you because they thought you were a _burden_?” He laughed bitterly, “Ten, those people weren’t your friends. They’re assholes who don’t deserve you. I’m so sorry they hurt you to the point you thought you were undeserving of new relationships because of your condition.” 

 

 Arms wrapped around his waist, Johnny’s chin on top of his covered head. Ten’s heart raced at a million miles per hour and the monitor beside him clearly showed it. He could feel Johnny snicker from above him, his hands caressing Ten’s cold cheek,

 

 “It never mattered to me that you were going to die.” He admitted, though he sounded sad, “I mean, it _does_ , of course. I can’t stand the thought of losing you. But I mean, it didn’t stop me from trying to pursue something with you. No matter how long it took, it was obvious to me the first time I saw you that you wanted more in life than you were given in the end. You just needed a little push and I wanted to be someone to help you, to help you live your life freely without worry even if you were always tired.

 

 I wanted you to live in the present instead of thinking of the future, I wanted to distract you from the evils of life when I first saw you, Ten. You looked so lively gazing at the city you’ve seen so many times but looking at it as if it was your final time seeing this sight, I felt the need to protect you from those thoughts. I couldn’t live with myself if I knew I didn’t try to help you keep that spark, that passion you held that you kept hidden. I couldn’t stand the thought of knowing a star as bright as you burned out so quickly. 

 

 You’re so beautiful Ten, I’ll always remember how beautiful you are even if I never approached you.”

 

 Johnny’s hand touched Ten’s beanie, though he didn’t take it off without Ten’s permission, since he knew how uncomfortable the boy was with losing all his hair. He thought he looked ugly, hideous because he didn’t have a full head of hair and he thought he looked like an alien. 

 

 But Ten nodded, allowing Johnny to peel off his beanie, Johnny had gotten him to feel confident now. He tried to hold his tears back, really, hearing Johnny’s whole speech on why he had still gone after Ten knowing he didn’t have much time left just made him emotional.

 

 He allowed Johnny to press a kiss to his head, the dam finally breaking and tears flowing like a river down Ten’s face, hugging Johnny like his life depended on it. Johnny pressed kisses all over Ten’s face, occasionally tasting the saltiness of his tears but he didn’t mind.

 

 Ten made sure the door was locked, that Nurse Lee wouldn’t walk in on them sharing an intimate moment with each other. Ten felt _lovely_ for the first time in 4 years. He felt giddy when Johnny’s hands ran along his skinny body, but Johnny assured him he was still beautiful no matter what. Ten believed him, he believed anything Johnny would say to him. He trusted him with his life. His _everything_. 

 

 He never wanted this moment to end. 

 

 

 

 “Johnny?” Ten whispered later that night, his face buried in Johnny’s warm torso as he ran his fingers gingerly across Johnny’s angelic face. Johnny hummed, his whole chest vibrating when he did so. 

 

 “Yes, love?”

 

 “Promise me you won’t cry when I pass on.”

 

 He could feel Johnny’s hold grow tighter against his bare back, but he continued, “Promise me you’ll move on. That you won’t be sad.”

 

 “I can’t promise I won’t be upset, Ten,” Johnny could feel his insides twisting in fear, “But I don’t know if I’ll be able to move on so fast.”

 

 “Promise for me then. Just promise you won’t be hung up on me, I know it’ll be hard finding someone as cool as me but you have to.” Johnny heard the underlying teasing tone in Ten’s voice. He never failed to make Johnny’s woes go away with his provoking nature. This time, though, he didn’t know if he could fully recover from what Ten was asking of him.

 

 “ _Johnny_.” 

 

 “I promise. Only for you.” 

 

 Ten’s lips quirked up into a serene smile, laying against Johnny’s chest until he fell asleep. 

 

 

 

 

 

 Johnny thought all was lost as his eyes burned holes at the white floor under him, sitting against the wall next to Ten’s soon to be vacant room. A long beep haunts his ears along with Ten’s pale face staring at the ceiling above him. His eyes lifeless, no longer glimmering with the mirth Johnny fell in love with.

 

 He ran a hand through his chesnut hair in frustration, tugging at the roots when he felt hot tears spilling at the corners of his eyes. Johnny had already broken Ten’s promise of not crying when he passed on, to move on, to not sit there being upset over Ten’s presence passing from Earth. He couldn’t help it, that was the most Ten had asked of him and he couldn’t do it.

 

 Ten’s lungs had gave out just a week after they shared their first intimate moments together. Johnny had been the one to rush Ten to the hospital when they were in the middle of fooling around in park. Ten being pushed on the swing by Johnny until suddenly his hands let go of the chains holding the swings and he fell face flat onto the blacktop beneath him. 

 

 Johnny freaked out, thinking it was just Ten passing out from exhaustion and he had pushed himself too much. He blamed himself, he knew Ten couldn’t be moving around so much as he passed the expected date he was supposed to die. He wanted him to be safe until they were able to do something to help fully cure him but Johnny could never resist Ten’s puppy dog eyes to take him on one more date. 

 

 Johnny dreaded this day since he first met Ten, he always had it in the back of his head. All thoughts of worry over Ten’s conditions had always been erased whenever he looked into his amber eyes, sparkling with life in contrast to his dying exterior. He fell in love at first sight with Ten’s beauty even with heavy bags, numerous piercings on his ears, and beanie covering half his head, it wasn’t the beauty from the outside that had gotten him to love him. It barely scratched the surface. Johnny just _knew_ Ten would be beautiful on the inside as well. 

 

 No matter how much Ten would deny it, he had taught Johnny many things in the span of 6 months. He’d test Johnny’s boundaries, taught him to live with no fears, no worries, to think of the present rather than the future or past. He’d taught Johnny what true love was when he’d watch Ten vomit in the bathroom of an amusement park. 

 

 Taught him responsibility when Ten had forgotten his inhaler and didn’t keep his breathing in check so Johnny had to carry him bridal style to run to the hospital to make sure he was okay. The boy taught him so many things that Johnny never thought he’d learn in his lifetime, thinking his life would just be a boring cycle with making coffee for a living, eating, sleeping and repeat every day up until he met Ten. His _soulmate_.

 

 He would never find someone like him again.

 

 The thought of Ten just being someone so close to Johnny, a soulmate, had made him sob even harder. Because they spent his final months together, watching his soulmate die slowly. He felt empty inside when he realized Ten was dead, he was sure Ten had passed on peacefully with Johnny right by his side. A doctor walked outside, about to speak to Johnny until the man heard a familiar voice calling to him.

 

 “Hey, what are you crying for you big baby?” A voice called out weakly from the inside of the room. Johnny froze. The hot tears were still flowing when he scampered up from his position on the hospital floor to run into Ten’s room and engulf the giggling boy into a tight embrace, ignoring the doctor’s attempts to stop him.

 

 “Ten,” Johnny cried out, his nose against the younger’s neck as he hugged him tighter, the familiar cinnamon scent invading his stuffy nostrils. He could feel Ten shaking in laughter under him, rubbing small circles onto Johnny’s back to soothe the crying man, “I-I thought you–.” 

 

 “Never.” Ten whispered sternly into Johnny’s ear, his hands finding themselves on the sides of Johnny’s cheeks to gently turn his face to look at him. He lovingly pressed his forehead against Johnny’s own, “I’d never leave you behind, Johnny.”

 

 Johnny broke out into a smile, Ten’s bright one following along. His eyes were shut tight, trying not to cry since he despised crying during moments like these. His smile was genuine on his pale face, almost as if he wasn’t dying to begin with. It eased Johnny’s hurting heart. 

 

 “I love you,” Johnny choked out for the first time, “I’ve loved you since I first laid eyes on you. I’m sorry I never said it sooner before you almost passed, _fuck_.” 

 

 Ten’s smile fully reached his eyes, his hands carding through Johnny’s chocolate hair when he spoke again.

 

 “I love you too Johnny. It doesn’t matter when you say it as long as you tell me now, I love you so fucking much Johnny.” Ten laughed, and again, just like when Johnny had made him feel complete for the first time, he ended up crying out of happiness. 

 

 “I’m so lucky,” The elder couldn’t let go of Ten, thinking if he let him go Ten would disappear from his arms, “I’m so lucky you’re alive.”

 

 “I’m lucky I had you these few months, Johnny.” 

 

 The door suddenly burst open and in came Kun, also crying (it’s a cry fest up in here), another man following along behind him with a grim expression across his face. He suddenly stopped, noticing Johnny and Ten embracing each other. Ten grinned seeing it was Nurse Lee, his greatest accomplice in completing his bucket list. 

 

 “O-Oh. Are we interrupting something?” Mark muttered, his face turning red but Kun didn’t give a flying fuck. Johnny let go of Ten to let Kun gingerly pull him into a hug, being more careful with Ten’s body as he didn’t want to hurt him.

 

 “You’re okay.” His best friend said, digging his face into Ten’s shoulder as it was his turn to cry, “When they called me, telling me you died, I dropped work just to come here. Sicheng wanted to come too but he’s in the waiting room right now. Then they told us you were being the stubborn little shit you were and you ended up _living_. You fucking beat cancer Ten! You kicked cancer’s ass!”

 

 It was the first time Ten had heard Kun curse so many times in the same sentence. He laughed, holding his friend tighter whilst they repeated like a mantra ‘ _I beat cancer’_. The doctor that Johnny had ignored came in, explaining how they had succeeded in helping extend Ten’s time over the months. 

 

 Ten had just passed out from exhaustion since he’d never rested enough after taking his shots that drained his energy, they thought he had died up until Ten’s heart monitor started miraculously beeping again, the man’s hand twitching in his comatose state. 

 

 In the end, Ten hadn’t died like he expected. He sits here now, finally leaving the hospital after 2 years, taking Johnny’s hand as they left together. To start a new future with each other. 

 

 Ten made sure to thank Johnny for being there through the end of his journey, tell him

how grateful he was for coming into his life, helping him live for something. He made sure to tell him how much he loved him through their numerous kisses they shared. 

 

 It was time for Ten to start a new chapter in his life.  

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> psst don't mind me flitting between mark and nurse lee ... leave a comment or kudos if u would like


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